Special prosecutor to investigate mystery of dented fender, couch and dirty dishes in Boyne Valley Township

What happened behind the walls of Boyne Valley Township Ambulance Service? The mystery involves a dented fender, a couch and dirty dishes.

Charlevoix County Prosecutor Alien Telgenhuff has called for the appointment of a Special Prosecutor to investigate allegations swirling around the possible change of ambulance service providers in Boyne Valley Township. Telgenghuff made the announcement today, Monday, April 1st. The township is considering pulling its contract with the City of Boyne City and switching to the Jordan Valley EMS Authority. Kellyanne Grice from the City of Boyne City attended a recent township board meeting and was quoted in the Petoskey Snooze-Review as saying that the mysterious controversy involves “a dented fender,” “a couch” and “dirty dishes.”
Prosecutor Telgenhuff said that if the issues were simply financial, his office could attempt to sift through the details and shed some light on the township’s questions, “But I have heard that Polish Oligarchs may be laundering Polish Festival funds through the township. Then when this devolved into such hot-button issues as a dirty fender, a dented couch and dishes, I knew that a special prosecutor with fender/couch expertise would be necessary. Luckily, Robert Mueller is looking for employment right now. I plan to contact him,” Telgenhuff said.
The prosecutor noted that the allegations have raised numerous legal questions, including: “Whose fender was dented? Who is not washing their dishes? What the H-E-double hockey sticks happened on (or to) that couch?” and "Have foreign lobbyists influenced the selection of polka bands for the Polish Festival?"